I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
