And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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