I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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