It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
