Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
