HIV tests are more positive than that guy
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
