If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
