I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
