Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
