I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
