fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
40s are totally the cure
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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