Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
