like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
