I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize