So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
