tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
