Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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