She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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