i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Panties = found
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize