I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
