You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
