What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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