The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This is classic penis vs brain.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
