either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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