I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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