i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
