I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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