you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
