i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
