Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
