I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
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I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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