He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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