Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize