SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
