You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
