My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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