i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
