I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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