quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
