Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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