he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
