he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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