why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
