i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
