Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
why is half of my head shaved?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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