Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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