you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
