If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
