I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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