Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
