apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
