Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
