Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
