that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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