At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize