i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
