So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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