just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
