somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
