That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We left the knife in your bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
