Yo dont text me then not text me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
