she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
