I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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