my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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