Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
