Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
