he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
