she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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