the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
