i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
