On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
