Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She bit a glass in half.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
