can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
