They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
