Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
