I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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