His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
