My nipple is on Facebook.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
