I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
