I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
now i know why i became what i already was.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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