Kareoke will never be a sober sport
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
