Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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