Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
