I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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