I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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