They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
