Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
