end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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